Does the wedding ring symbolize as strong as a meaning that it has in the past? I have noticed that both in the professional world (from restaurant managers to lawyers) and societal world (friends and family), people don't wear their wedding rings as often as older generations have. There is a woman in the firm I work at that has never taken off her wedding ring. There is also a younger lawyer who has yet to wear his wedding ring (but there are others who are the outliers - there is a younger lawyer who does wear his wedding ring). So, having that knowledge, when going out, if everything is going swimmingly and one gets two or three men hit on her that night, she does the customary finger check (and doubles check to make sure she looks at the right finger.....that is slightly embarrassing if she checks the wrong finger) for the ring and doesn't see it, is she justified in thinking that he is fair game? Would there be any behavioural tendencies that may separate the single men from the married?
Well, first off, let's get a little derailed at the moment. Let's kind of branch off from last blog about the wonderful pick up lines which can lead into flirting since flirting is the way people communicate, well, that is what it seems like. One of my utmost favorite descriptions of a woman goes like this: "she was so extraordinarily beautiful that I nearly laughed out loud. She was famine, fire, destruction and plague. . . the one true begetter. Her breasts were apocalyptic, they would topple empires before they withered...her body was a miracle of construction... She was unquestionably gorgeous. She was lavish. She was a dark, unyielding largesse. She was, in short, too bloody much... Those huge violet blue eyes...had an odd glint...Aeons passed, civilizations came and went while these cosmic headlights examined my flawed personality. Every pockmark on my face became a crater of the moon." This was the first description Richard Burton had of Elizabeth Taylor. To have a guy say something as poetic and unforgettable such as that about me would be the most wonderful feeling ever I would think, but lets not get a hold of ourselves. Last posting had to do with guys who used the words 'if your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life". I could not ever fathom Richard Burton, James Stewart or Rock Hudson ever spouting off lines like that. So, when Richard Burke first saw Elizabeth Taylor, or Cary Grant first saw Dyan Cannon, did they spout off some sleazy, cliche one liner pickup line? I think not.
There are two types of people who flirt - single people and married people. Regardless of ones relationship status, we are programmed to flirt -it is in our biology and our culture (Luscombe (2008); The Science of Romance). Does being married or single change the intention behind flirting? Henningsen (2004) performed a study wherein it was found that there was six motivations behind flirting, regardless of being single or married. Sexual motivation - I would have been surprised if this wasn't an outcome..... Relational motivation - a desire for increased relational intimacy or, on the flip side, extra-dyadic flirting may be viewed as a relational threat. Fun motivation - distractions, enjoyable, passes the time, etc etc. Basically as a fun and harmless activity. Exploring motivation - to test the waters at first; indirectly signal a desire to initiate a relationship. Esteem motivation - build one's own self-esteem. The whole flattery aspect of flirting behaviors. Instrumental motivation - to get something (goods, services, assistance).
So, being married and single, it doesn't matter - people are going to flirt regardless. Most of the time, flirting is harmless. It is just a joyous banter between two people that can be light and airy or have such sexual tension behind it, but regardless of the intention, there will always be flirting. But there is always a chance that something may happen from flirting. Does that stop married men; the possibility that their flirting may go beyond the bar or club or wherever and end up in the bedroom? Perhaps, as was found with Luscombe, they like that idea of something else happening, that danger of stepping over that line. Married flirting apart from single flirting is that it has a much greater degree or danger and fantasy to it. Stakes are higher, risk is greater. Flirting is a decaf affair, a way of feeling more alive, more vital, more desirable without actually endangering the happiness of anyone you love. (Luscombe (2008); The Science of Romance). Perhaps that is why, at least in my experience, married men openly flirt more and their flirtatious nature is more fun and free. However, that seems ass backwards to me - on one hand, I would think that married men would be more cautious about flirting as it can lead to other things. But then the other hand says that married men have confidence and nothing to lose that makes them be so flirtatious and friendly.
So, where does that leave us? Flirting can be something that is just fun and enjoyable and pass the evening in laughter and smiles, or it can be something meaningful and have a purpose behind it. Now, if the guy is married or single, should that matter? Probably not if you are just looking for a night of just fun and lightheartedness. Married men seem to know what to say to women, the right lines, how to make them feel wanted and beautiful - not a bad thing. But if the woman is one who wants something more than that one night, don't flirt with the married man, and don't get angry at the fact that he is flirting. What do I say? Let the married men flirt; let him have his cake and eat it too.
